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There was this little girl sitting by herself in the park. Everyone passed by her and never stopped to see why she looked so sad. Dressed in a worn pink dress, barefoot and dirty, the girl just sat and watched the people go by.
She never tried to speak. She never said a word. Many people passed by her, but no one would stop.
The next day I decided to go back to the park in curiosity to see If the little girl would still be there. Yes, she was there, right in the very spot where she was yesterday, and still with the same sad look in her eyes.
Today I was to make my own move and walk over to the little girl. For as we all know, a park full of strange people is not a place for young children to play alone. As I got closer I could see the back of the little girl's dress. It was grotesquely shaped. I figured that was the reason people just passed by and made no effort to speak to her.
Deformities are a low blow to our society and, heaven forbid if you make a step toward assisting someone who is different. As I got closer, the little girl lowered her eyes slightly to avoid my intent stare.
As I approached her, I could see the shape of her back more clearly. She was grotesquely shaped in a humped over form. I smiled to let her know it was OK; I was there to help, to talk.
I sat down beside her and opened with a simple, 'Hello.' The little girl acted shocked, and stammered a 'Hi'; after a long stare into my eyes.
I smiled and she shyly smiled back We talked until darkness fell and the park was completely empty. I asked the girl why she was so sad.
The little girl looked at me with a sad face said, 'Because, I'm Different.'
I immediately said, 'That you are!'; and smiled. The little girl acted even sadder and said, 'I know.'
‘Little girl,' I said, 'you remind me of an angel, sweet and innocent.'
She looked at me and smiled, then slowly she got to her feet and said, 'Really?'
'Yes, you're like a little Guardian Angel sent to watch over all the people walking by..'
She nodded her head yes , and smiled. With that she opened the back of her pink dress and allowed her Wings to spread, then she said 'I am.' 'I'm your Guardian Angel,' with a twinkle in her eye. I was speechless -- sure I was seeing things. She said, 'For once you thought of someone other than yourself. My job here is done'.. I got to my feet and said, 'Wait, why did no one stop to help an Angel?'
She looked at me, smiled, and said, 'You're the only one that could see me,' and then she was gone. And with that, my life was changed dramatically. So, when you think you're all you have, remember, your angel is always watching over you.
Pass this to everyone that means anything at all to you. Make sure you send it back to the person who sent it to you, to let them know you're glad they care about you. Like the story says, we all need someone. And, every one of your friends is an Angel in their own way.
The value of a friend is measured in the heart. I hope your Guardian Angel watches over you always.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Saturday, October 4, 2008
ALWAYS LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST
Don’t let go of hope.
Hope gives you the strength to keep going, when you feel like giving up.
Don’t ever quit believing in yourself, as long as you believe you can,
you will have a reason for trying.
Don’t let anyone hold your happiness in their minds, hold it in yours,
as it will always be within your reach.
Don’t measure success or failure by material wealth, but by how you feel.
Our feelings determine the richness of our lives.
Don’t let bad memories overcome you, be patient and they will pass.
Don’t hesitate to reach out for help, we all need it from time to time.
Don’t run away from love but towards love, because it is our deepest joy.
Don’t wait for what you want to come to you, go after it with all that you are,
knowing that life will meet you halfway.
Don’t feel like you’ve lost, when plans & dreams fall short of your hopes.
Anytime you learn something new about yourself or about life, you have progressed.
Don’t do anything that takes away from your self respect.
Feeling good about yourself is essential as feeling good about life.
Don’t forget how to laugh or be too proud to cry.
It is by doing both that we live life to its fullest.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Good Moods Swinging In
It's still a wonder how easy it is too be happy on small unimportant things in your life. So, it will be appropriate to enjoy every second and every minute of your life without regrets or anxieties or keep looking over your back or past.
I know that everyone will say exactly this phrase "That's easier Said then Done", but I think it will easier to do than to hear another common phrase "I told you so".
So, bear with me, my friends who care enough about me, if any...:D...
My Good Mood is swinging in and it demands for Bob Marley's reggae swing....
Lalalalalalong.....
Lalalalalalong.....
:-)
I Can See Clearly Now by BOB MARLEY
I know that everyone will say exactly this phrase "That's easier Said then Done", but I think it will easier to do than to hear another common phrase "I told you so".
So, bear with me, my friends who care enough about me, if any...:D...
My Good Mood is swinging in and it demands for Bob Marley's reggae swing....
Lalalalalalong.....
Lalalalalalong.....
:-)
I Can See Clearly Now by BOB MARLEY
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
Oh yes I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I've been prayin' for
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
Look all around, there's nothin' but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothin' but blue skies
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Here is the rainbow I've been prayin' for
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
Oh yes I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I've been prayin' for
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
Look all around, there's nothin' but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothin' but blue skies
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Here is the rainbow I've been prayin' for
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
Heaven is not that far and Love keep it closer - Trizzo Wales
Her hair was up in a pony tail, Her favourite dress tied with a bow. Today was Daddy's Day at school, And she couldn't wait to go. But her mommy tried to tell her, That she probably should stay home. Why the kids might not understand, If she went to school alone But she was not afraid; She knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates, Of why he wasn't there today. But still her mother worried, For her to face this day alone. And that was why once again, She tried to keep her daughter home.
But the little girl went to school, Eager to tell them all. About a dad she never sees, A dad who never calls.
There were daddies along the wall in back, For everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently, Anxious in their seats. One by one the teacher called, A student from the class. To introduce their daddy, As seconds slowly passed.
At last the teacher called her name, Every child turned to stare. Each of them was searching, For a man who wasn't there.
'Where's her daddy at?' She heard a boy call out. 'She probably doesn't have one,' Another student dared to shout. And from somewhere near the back, She heard a daddy say, 'Looks like another deadbeat dad, Too busy to waste his day.' The words did not offend her, As she smiled up at her Mom. And looked back at her teacher, Who told her to go on. And with hands behind her back, Slowly she began to speak. And out from the mouth of a child, Came words incredibly unique.
'My Daddy couldn't be here, Because he lives so far away. But I know he wishes he could be, Since this is such a special day. And though you cannot meet him, I wanted you to know. All about my daddy, And how much he loves me so. He loved to tell me stories, He taught me to ride my bike. He surprised me with pink roses, And taught me to fly a kite. We used to share fudge sundaes, And ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him. I'm not standing here alone. 'Cause my daddy's always with me, Even though we are apart. I know because he told me, He'll forever be in my heart'. With that, her little hand reached up, And lay across her chest. Feeling her own heartbeat, Beneath her favorite dress.
And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads, Her mother stood in tears. Proudly watching her daughter, Who was wise beyond her years. For she stood up for the love, Of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her, Doing what was right. And when she dropped her hand back down, Staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft, But its message clear and loud.
'I love my daddy very much, he's my shining star. And if he could, he'd be here, But heaven's just too far.
You see he was a policeman, And died just this past year.
When airplanes hit the towers, And taught Americans to fear.
But sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he never went away.' And then she closed her eyes, And saw him there that day. And to her mothers amazement, She witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children, All starting to close their eyes. Who knows what they saw before them, who knows what they felt inside. Perhaps for merely a second, they saw him at her side.
'I know you're with me Daddy,' to the silence she called out. And what happened next made believers, of those once filled with doubt.
Not one in that room could explain it, for each of their eyes had been closed. But there on the desk beside her, was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose. And a child was blessed, if only for a moment, by the love of her shining star. And given the gift of believing, that heaven is never too far.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.
Send this to the people you'll never forget, and remember to send it also to the person that sent it to you. It's a short message to let them know that you'll never forget them.
If you don't send it to anyone, it means you're in a hurry and that you've forgotten your friends.
Take the time...to live and love!
Until eternity. God bless!
What to tell her classmates, Of why he wasn't there today. But still her mother worried, For her to face this day alone. And that was why once again, She tried to keep her daughter home.
But the little girl went to school, Eager to tell them all. About a dad she never sees, A dad who never calls.
There were daddies along the wall in back, For everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently, Anxious in their seats. One by one the teacher called, A student from the class. To introduce their daddy, As seconds slowly passed.
At last the teacher called her name, Every child turned to stare. Each of them was searching, For a man who wasn't there.
'Where's her daddy at?' She heard a boy call out. 'She probably doesn't have one,' Another student dared to shout. And from somewhere near the back, She heard a daddy say, 'Looks like another deadbeat dad, Too busy to waste his day.' The words did not offend her, As she smiled up at her Mom. And looked back at her teacher, Who told her to go on. And with hands behind her back, Slowly she began to speak. And out from the mouth of a child, Came words incredibly unique.
'My Daddy couldn't be here, Because he lives so far away. But I know he wishes he could be, Since this is such a special day. And though you cannot meet him, I wanted you to know. All about my daddy, And how much he loves me so. He loved to tell me stories, He taught me to ride my bike. He surprised me with pink roses, And taught me to fly a kite. We used to share fudge sundaes, And ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him. I'm not standing here alone. 'Cause my daddy's always with me, Even though we are apart. I know because he told me, He'll forever be in my heart'. With that, her little hand reached up, And lay across her chest. Feeling her own heartbeat, Beneath her favorite dress.
And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads, Her mother stood in tears. Proudly watching her daughter, Who was wise beyond her years. For she stood up for the love, Of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her, Doing what was right. And when she dropped her hand back down, Staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft, But its message clear and loud.
'I love my daddy very much, he's my shining star. And if he could, he'd be here, But heaven's just too far.
You see he was a policeman, And died just this past year.
When airplanes hit the towers, And taught Americans to fear.
But sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he never went away.' And then she closed her eyes, And saw him there that day. And to her mothers amazement, She witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children, All starting to close their eyes. Who knows what they saw before them, who knows what they felt inside. Perhaps for merely a second, they saw him at her side.
'I know you're with me Daddy,' to the silence she called out. And what happened next made believers, of those once filled with doubt.
Not one in that room could explain it, for each of their eyes had been closed. But there on the desk beside her, was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose. And a child was blessed, if only for a moment, by the love of her shining star. And given the gift of believing, that heaven is never too far.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.
Send this to the people you'll never forget, and remember to send it also to the person that sent it to you. It's a short message to let them know that you'll never forget them.
If you don't send it to anyone, it means you're in a hurry and that you've forgotten your friends.
Take the time...to live and love!
Until eternity. God bless!
Are You Peeling the Layers of Ego ?
Spiritual enlightenment is not personal growth. True knowledge of the soul is different from trying to have a better and easier life. The path to enlightenment and the path to life improvement are not the same.
No one gets to the highest goal possible to humankind by trying to get richer, better or smarter. No, enlightenment is not reached by becoming more, but by becoming less. This basic fact is easily lost when spiritual language is used to sell just about anything.
Enlightenment is enormous grace, for which you can prepare by diligently peeling away layer after layer of disturbances, confusion and stress in mind and emotions. Of course this will give you a better life experience, one that will be solid and lasting - but it will do so in a particular way. It is the path of deep transformation.
You’ve probably heard the metaphor about ‘peeling the onion,’ removing layer after layer of what is not true in our thoughts and what is stressful in our emotions, so in the end the true Self can shine in its full brilliance. It is a process of cleansing and purifying, of letting go and inner discovery.
There is much confusion about this today. We are offered thousands of approaches for a better, more spiritual life. This of course is excellent. Everyone has the right to be happier, richer and more at ease. Use these approaches to become happier, richer and more at ease – for a time. But know that they won’t set you free.
The freedom of the enlightened state is much more than a good life. It is divine bliss, absolute freedom, complete love. It means to realize the Self that is one with the infinite and immortal consciousness we call God.
The desire for a better life or a more interesting spiritual story can’t give you that. At one point even the best life will be over. And then--unless you are truly free--you start all over again. And again and again and again. This is imprisonment, even if your jail cell is of pure gold.
The key to what I am saying lies in one thing - in our sense of self-importance, the ego. It is incredibly cunning. It is the shape-shifter par excellance, taking on any form at will to keep us unconscious so it can survive. It especially loves to co-opt a spiritual way of life. We hardly ever suspect it there, and so it is safe to survive.
I ask myself if any activity, no matter how spiritual and enlightened it may seem, adds to my sense of self-importance, gives me more ego. If so, I am building more illusion, not less. I imprison myself more by coming to believe how special and spiritual I am. This is the hidden danger.
This can be very difficult to see, because many of these pursuits are quite pleasurable and we get attached to them. "If it feels good, it’s got to be a sign that it is right for us," we think. Well, not necessarily. The question is not if it feels good, but if it feels true to your deepest yearning for freedom.
Lets’ face it: we all spend some time playing in the spiritual playground. Nothing wrong with that—until you are ready to get more serious about gaining your freedom. That is when suffering can be a blessing. It tends to focus us on what is essential.
The path to enlightenment is as radical as it is clear. It says you either dissolve your sense of self-importance--the ego--or you are strengthening it. All of us do some of both, so how can we be sure we dissolve more than we build? There are several steps you can take.
1. The most important safeguard is to deepen your genuine yearning for freedom. Everyone has it, but often that ‘small inner voice’ is drowned out by the loudness of our desires and fears.
2. Become aware of the possibility that what is offered to you as spiritual may be very interesting and alluring, but may not have much power to free you. It could in fact even strengthen your ego.
3. Strive assiduously to:
a. dissolve any stress in the mind by investigating judgmental thoughts and beliefs, and develop a sense of stillness;
b. strengthen and open the heart by dissolving stressful emotions, and open to a deep sense of devotion for life, or for your Beloved in whatever form.
4. In all the traditions, the guidance of a teacher, mentor or spiritual friend has been known to be of utmost importance. It helps you to navigate the difficult terrain of the ego and avoid its countless traps. A spiritual friend can point out the blind-spots you cannot see. And most of all this relationship, like no other, can strengthen the heart.
After many years of searching, practicing and testing I found two skills that are unique their ability to set us free. They are “The Work of Byron Katie” to clear the mind, and Presence and “Heart Awakening,” for using the amazing power of the heart for emotional harmony and self-healing.
These tools are as radical as they are enlightening. And of course they also greatly improve your life experience by dissolving the stress in the mind and the heaviness and ‘dryness’ of the heart. I know them to be the best medicine for depression, anxiety, relationship conflicts, and more.
By dissolving the stressful thoughts and emotions which are the root-cause of all pain, that pain can dissolve. This is necessary on the path to enlightenment, because all such problems are obstacles to realization.
And it is here, after you do the great work of setting yourself free from the unconscious elements in you that cause you pain, where you realize that the path to enlightenment is indeed the path to a better life. A life better by far than anything the ego could ever imagine.
Copyright: Annapurna I
No one gets to the highest goal possible to humankind by trying to get richer, better or smarter. No, enlightenment is not reached by becoming more, but by becoming less. This basic fact is easily lost when spiritual language is used to sell just about anything.
Enlightenment is enormous grace, for which you can prepare by diligently peeling away layer after layer of disturbances, confusion and stress in mind and emotions. Of course this will give you a better life experience, one that will be solid and lasting - but it will do so in a particular way. It is the path of deep transformation.
You’ve probably heard the metaphor about ‘peeling the onion,’ removing layer after layer of what is not true in our thoughts and what is stressful in our emotions, so in the end the true Self can shine in its full brilliance. It is a process of cleansing and purifying, of letting go and inner discovery.
There is much confusion about this today. We are offered thousands of approaches for a better, more spiritual life. This of course is excellent. Everyone has the right to be happier, richer and more at ease. Use these approaches to become happier, richer and more at ease – for a time. But know that they won’t set you free.
The freedom of the enlightened state is much more than a good life. It is divine bliss, absolute freedom, complete love. It means to realize the Self that is one with the infinite and immortal consciousness we call God.
The desire for a better life or a more interesting spiritual story can’t give you that. At one point even the best life will be over. And then--unless you are truly free--you start all over again. And again and again and again. This is imprisonment, even if your jail cell is of pure gold.
The key to what I am saying lies in one thing - in our sense of self-importance, the ego. It is incredibly cunning. It is the shape-shifter par excellance, taking on any form at will to keep us unconscious so it can survive. It especially loves to co-opt a spiritual way of life. We hardly ever suspect it there, and so it is safe to survive.
I ask myself if any activity, no matter how spiritual and enlightened it may seem, adds to my sense of self-importance, gives me more ego. If so, I am building more illusion, not less. I imprison myself more by coming to believe how special and spiritual I am. This is the hidden danger.
This can be very difficult to see, because many of these pursuits are quite pleasurable and we get attached to them. "If it feels good, it’s got to be a sign that it is right for us," we think. Well, not necessarily. The question is not if it feels good, but if it feels true to your deepest yearning for freedom.
Lets’ face it: we all spend some time playing in the spiritual playground. Nothing wrong with that—until you are ready to get more serious about gaining your freedom. That is when suffering can be a blessing. It tends to focus us on what is essential.
The path to enlightenment is as radical as it is clear. It says you either dissolve your sense of self-importance--the ego--or you are strengthening it. All of us do some of both, so how can we be sure we dissolve more than we build? There are several steps you can take.
1. The most important safeguard is to deepen your genuine yearning for freedom. Everyone has it, but often that ‘small inner voice’ is drowned out by the loudness of our desires and fears.
2. Become aware of the possibility that what is offered to you as spiritual may be very interesting and alluring, but may not have much power to free you. It could in fact even strengthen your ego.
3. Strive assiduously to:
a. dissolve any stress in the mind by investigating judgmental thoughts and beliefs, and develop a sense of stillness;
b. strengthen and open the heart by dissolving stressful emotions, and open to a deep sense of devotion for life, or for your Beloved in whatever form.
4. In all the traditions, the guidance of a teacher, mentor or spiritual friend has been known to be of utmost importance. It helps you to navigate the difficult terrain of the ego and avoid its countless traps. A spiritual friend can point out the blind-spots you cannot see. And most of all this relationship, like no other, can strengthen the heart.
After many years of searching, practicing and testing I found two skills that are unique their ability to set us free. They are “The Work of Byron Katie” to clear the mind, and Presence and “Heart Awakening,” for using the amazing power of the heart for emotional harmony and self-healing.
These tools are as radical as they are enlightening. And of course they also greatly improve your life experience by dissolving the stress in the mind and the heaviness and ‘dryness’ of the heart. I know them to be the best medicine for depression, anxiety, relationship conflicts, and more.
By dissolving the stressful thoughts and emotions which are the root-cause of all pain, that pain can dissolve. This is necessary on the path to enlightenment, because all such problems are obstacles to realization.
And it is here, after you do the great work of setting yourself free from the unconscious elements in you that cause you pain, where you realize that the path to enlightenment is indeed the path to a better life. A life better by far than anything the ego could ever imagine.
Copyright: Annapurna I
Can Gossiping on the Job Really Hurt You?
We all do it from time to time. Whether it's complaining about the latest comp-time policy change with your coworker in the file room or dishing about the latest spat between the CFO and the clerk in purchasing, gossiping on the job is almost an inevitable part of corporate culture.
But is gossiping a positive way to build relationships, trade information for advancement and gauge the emotional health of the corporate community? Or is it akin to a toxic virus that spreads and ultimately weakens an organization's overall health, threatening your job security, chances for career advancement and professional happiness?
As with most things involving human interaction, there are two sides to this common coin. Use the following advice to ensure you don't let your chitchat get in the way of your career.
Peter Post, codirector of the Emily Post Institute and coauthor of The Etiquette Advantage in Business: Personal Skills for Professional Success, argues that there is a lot wrong with a little harmless gossip. "Gossiping and rumor-mongering add stress to the workplace," Post says. "Create stress in the workplace, and you create a situation in which people are not focusing on doing their work." This is why many companies have corporate policies that specifically restrict or prohibit on-the-job gossip and why management may not look kindly on those who engage in it.
But the overall effects of negative gossip don't necessarily suggest you should completely refrain from being in the know about situations around you. In fact, many psychologists believe that not engaging in a little office gossip can actually hurt your career.
Siobhan Mellor, clinical psychologist and author of the research paper, "Gossip -- the Nation's Favorite Pastime," believes that the right kind of gossip can be good for you. "Getting the latest gossip about the behavior of others helps build a social map for what is accepted, weird, bad -- and even what kinds of actions improve our status and what doesn't," she says.
Kate Adams, an editor who worked for a major New York publishing company, recalls being chastised in her peer performance review, because she had admitted to not being in the know about her boss's sudden resignation in favor of a new position at another house. "I thought the polite thing to do was to pretend that I hadn't noticed my boss leaving for long lunches and apparently going on interviews," says Adams. "As an assistant, I always tried to cover for my boss, and I thought that included not talking about her obvious job search. But my coworkers thought it was a sign that I was out of the loop and that I was somebody who wasn't going places."
Karen Kirchner, managing partner of Career Management Consulting based in Stamford, Connecticut, believes that you can indulge in a little on-the-job gossip safely and without guilt, as long as you follow these seven rules:
* Only gossip now and then, and be aware of who is listening.
* Don't spend too much time with known office gossips, or you may be judged guilty by association.
* Listen carefully, but say as little as possible. Don't appear to be an ambulance chaser or a tattletale so that you can be the one with the scoop.
* Work on the principle that whatever you say will be repeated. Think about the implications of this before you speak.
* Consider the source of gossip and the source's hidden motives. People sometimes plant information to manipulate a situation.
* Do not badmouth people; your comments will often come back to haunt you as alliances shift in the workplace.
* If something you say gets back to a friend or colleague in a way that you wish it hadn't, apologize and be honest. This is the only way of salvaging your reputation and limiting the damage.
by Beverly West
Monster Contributing Writer
But is gossiping a positive way to build relationships, trade information for advancement and gauge the emotional health of the corporate community? Or is it akin to a toxic virus that spreads and ultimately weakens an organization's overall health, threatening your job security, chances for career advancement and professional happiness?
As with most things involving human interaction, there are two sides to this common coin. Use the following advice to ensure you don't let your chitchat get in the way of your career.
Peter Post, codirector of the Emily Post Institute and coauthor of The Etiquette Advantage in Business: Personal Skills for Professional Success, argues that there is a lot wrong with a little harmless gossip. "Gossiping and rumor-mongering add stress to the workplace," Post says. "Create stress in the workplace, and you create a situation in which people are not focusing on doing their work." This is why many companies have corporate policies that specifically restrict or prohibit on-the-job gossip and why management may not look kindly on those who engage in it.
But the overall effects of negative gossip don't necessarily suggest you should completely refrain from being in the know about situations around you. In fact, many psychologists believe that not engaging in a little office gossip can actually hurt your career.
Siobhan Mellor, clinical psychologist and author of the research paper, "Gossip -- the Nation's Favorite Pastime," believes that the right kind of gossip can be good for you. "Getting the latest gossip about the behavior of others helps build a social map for what is accepted, weird, bad -- and even what kinds of actions improve our status and what doesn't," she says.
Kate Adams, an editor who worked for a major New York publishing company, recalls being chastised in her peer performance review, because she had admitted to not being in the know about her boss's sudden resignation in favor of a new position at another house. "I thought the polite thing to do was to pretend that I hadn't noticed my boss leaving for long lunches and apparently going on interviews," says Adams. "As an assistant, I always tried to cover for my boss, and I thought that included not talking about her obvious job search. But my coworkers thought it was a sign that I was out of the loop and that I was somebody who wasn't going places."
Karen Kirchner, managing partner of Career Management Consulting based in Stamford, Connecticut, believes that you can indulge in a little on-the-job gossip safely and without guilt, as long as you follow these seven rules:
* Only gossip now and then, and be aware of who is listening.
* Don't spend too much time with known office gossips, or you may be judged guilty by association.
* Listen carefully, but say as little as possible. Don't appear to be an ambulance chaser or a tattletale so that you can be the one with the scoop.
* Work on the principle that whatever you say will be repeated. Think about the implications of this before you speak.
* Consider the source of gossip and the source's hidden motives. People sometimes plant information to manipulate a situation.
* Do not badmouth people; your comments will often come back to haunt you as alliances shift in the workplace.
* If something you say gets back to a friend or colleague in a way that you wish it hadn't, apologize and be honest. This is the only way of salvaging your reputation and limiting the damage.
by Beverly West
Monster Contributing Writer
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