Savvy Telephone Etiquette by Therese Droste

Monster Contributing Writer

Picture a cross between a magician and a linebacker. Calls are coming in, people are trying to get through to your boss. You use a little misdirection, a few stubborn blocking techniques and, voila, you become an effective assistant.

"Your job is to protect your boss -- be a time manager," says Val Williams, a business coach with Professional Coaching and Training in Edison, New Jersey. "And you're an asset by being the traffic cop for persistent people if you know your boss can't be indiscriminately interrupted for calls."

The key to an assistant's job is to be direct and tell the truth, stresses Williams. While it's tough when a caller is persistent, Williams says to think of it as a hockey game. "The persistent caller's goal is to get to your boss," she says. "But you have a goal too, to protect your boss." You need to respect the caller's persistence by recognizing he's merely trying to forward his agenda while simultaneously respecting your own agenda, which is to help prioritize your boss's calls, says Williams.

And that's where many admins snag a toe on the rug. While it's crucial for a boss and her assistant to be in alignment with goals, admins often don't have enough contact with their managers to know their priorities. "If you want to do an excellent job, you must encourage your boss to meet with you for 10 or 15 minutes every morning to touch base," says Williams.

During the meeting, ask your boss to list his most important challenges of the day. "You want to find out the things that are stressing your boss and then find ways to help out," says Williams. This information allows you to be proactive. "At a minimum, it means running guard on unimportant or unplanned phone calls for the boss, as well as finding out which phone calls are super important."

That's a nice concept, but what about the pushy caller who's called four or five times already this week? Be direct, advises Williams. Try something like, "I'm sorry. My boss has been really busy, but I want you to know I've relayed your message."

"Say no more than that," says Williams. "If the person berates you and says he's called four or five times, just state that you passed the message along so the person doesn't conclude that you're blocking access to the boss. You've done your part."

Also, watch your tone of voice, cautions Williams. Use a neutral voice with no charge or tone in it. If you're overly apologetic, you merely validate that this person has been wronged in some way, and that's not useful. "Then the person wants to pull you into alignment with him by agreeing that this isn't right, it shouldn't be happening, and your boss really should call him back," she says.

"A super assistant digs deeper and gets to the root of why someone's even calling," says Williams. If you find out why someone's calling and then provide an answer to the question right away, you avoid spending time dealing with a person's persistent calls down the road.

The other part of the equation is that your boss doesn't look so hot by not returning phone calls. "Talk to your boss and point out that someone's called several times," says Williams. "Offer to call the person back to say whatever it is your boss wants you to." For example, you could call the person back and say the boss isn't available for the next couple of weeks and to call back after that time. Or simply say your boss asked you to return the call and that, based on the business goals, your boss is not interested in the person's line of business. "If someone keeps calling back after that, they're just rude."

"The bottom line is you must be an assertive assistant," says Williams. "Tell the boss you think you can help him out, and ask him how he wants you to handle telephone intruders. Let the boss delegate some responsibility to you and run with it."

How Well Do You Play the Game?

Monster Members Share Their Stories and Advice About Office Politics

by Christine F. Della Monaca
Monster Staff Writer

When we asked Monster members, "How well do you play the game at work?" the question provoked a range of responses. Many felt their inability to deal with office politics had hurt their careers. Others were baffled by people who got ahead based on looks, knowing the right person or doing the right amount of kissing up -- despite being unqualified for their jobs. And still others had enough confidence in their own political skills to give advice to others.

Check out these stories, rants and advice to strengthen your own game.

The Game's Not for Them

I think you're enforcing "the game" by even mentioning it. There shouldn't be "games" in the workplace. People go to work to produce goods and services.

---

I will not participate in office politics. I do believe that it is a lot of backstabbing. I feel if you are a snitch, upper management will feel that you will tell something on them as well.

---

I guess people like me have to learn to be social, not sensitive. It's easier for me to have a good relationship with people like clients, but I feel the relationship within the office is much more difficult to deal with. I'm a hardworking person. Maybe being a contractor or freelancer is more suitable for those not social like me.

---

I work in child care, where I am the only guy amongst 11 to 12 women. Believe me: I couldn't suck worse in this type of office politics. The gossip alone makes me not want to socialize at all, workwise or casually. I must say that I can talk to a few of my coworkers, but even then I have to pick and choose what I say. The fact that I am the only guy at my center means my coworkers are apprehensive in talking to me about anything. They don't talk to me like they do to each other for fear I may say something they may take offense over, and since my personality is pretty laid-back, I may make certain remarks that can be construed the wrong way.

Paying the Price for Not Playing

Not playing the game got me fired. I was an employee who minded her own business. I saw what no one did and heard what no one spoke. After 19 years of service, they decided to fire me using the excuse that I wasn't up to par with the rest of the people. That's what I got.

---

After two months of employment, I was approached by the owner, who told me I would be a perfect fit for an open supervisor position. I accepted the challenge and kept a clean record, worked extremely long hours and had no problems, complaints or written warnings of any kind until this year. In another meeting with the company owner, I was instructed to change the way I interacted with my sales rep. I assured him I was doing my best to work with this person, who is difficult, and I would resolve any differences.

Two weeks passed, and my relationship with my sales rep improved dramatically. Last week, I was called into a conference room and discharged from my job. I was not given a chance to say anything -- just let go without being able to defend myself and without any support. I truly loved what I did and believed I would be employed with this company until the day I retired. I did not kiss the butt of the sales rep. I did not support nor would I kiss the butt of my newly appointed manager. I believe that is the reason I was let go. It is very sad to think I gave 110 percent of myself to this job, but because I didn't play by their rules, they found a petty reason to get rid of me.

What Do They Have That I Don't?

I worked for a mortgage company for two years, never missing a day of work and always making my customers happy. Then interest rates went down, and there were layoffs. I was chosen to be let go. Those remaining were Angela, who was 21, wore a size four and had long, flowing blonde hair, and Lois, who was hired because she was a friend of the supervisor at the secondary pricing department. I knew I was let go because I was not friends with the boss or sexy and young. I am 43, wear a size eight and have wrinkles, but I am healthy and intelligent otherwise -- just not sexy and gorgeous. I felt that the men in the office treated Angela and Lois better than me, because I was not young or sexy or a friend of the boss. They often missed work, and I never did. The men appreciated Mary, who always made food at work using her own money and resources. I didn't have a lot of money for things like that. I want to be appreciated for my brains, not my looks or cooking skills, unless of course I work as a cook in a restaurant. I decided to try something other than office work, because I want people at work to like me because I work hard and am good at my job, not because I brownnose or am sexy or young.

---

After eight years of employment for one of the largest corporate dental manufacturing companies in North America, I was fired! My boss told me I was fired because another employee overheard me saying something sexual about another employee being promoted through the company. Well, I never said it. I was never questioned about the incident -- just escorted out the door. I did not play the political game. The girl who supposedly overheard me and reported me is the same girl I reported to human resources one month prior to my being fired. She was constantly late, took extended lunches, allowed to attend fancy sales banquets, etc. We were both hourly employees, and if I could not do that after eight dedicated years of employment, I was not about to let someone else get away with it after only six months. She set me up after I reported her, and they fired me.

She got away with everything because of her looks, and she was 15 years younger. Everyone would stare at her and let her get away with murder. I found out a month after I was gone that she was pregnant and living with the corporate comptroller -- another reason to get rid of me, because it was against company policy to date and live together, but apparently not for them. Several years ago, I met my husband at the same company. We bought a house together and I got pregnant, and when they found out, they fired my husband immediately. The story sounds similar, but it seems like certain rules are for certain people. It certainly was the worst place I ever worked.

Office Politics Tips from the Masters

I do very well playing the game. The secret to staying ahead of the games as a telecommuter is simple:

• Do not respond to any gossip emails from subordinates or peers. Pick up the phone so there is no paper trail.

• Respond to your bosses' emails by being noncommittal, or ask for clarification -- copy their boss in the reply.

• Do not send any emails you would not be happy for the whole world to read several times.

---

I am managing a lot better than I used to. I have learned disciplines that give me the ability to work in the corporate office environment. Principles that help me stay afloat are:

• Remember who I am and don't look for others to validate me.

• Taking care of myself -- getting enough rest, etc. -- gives me a jump start before coming into the office.

• Hold on to my inner joy/peace -- give it up for no one!

• Respect everyone -- no matter if you like them or not.

• Do not participate in gossip and take sides in cliques (remain neutral).

• Remember: I am a professional, hired to do a job and remain professional and courteous, regardless of how others behave.

How Well Do You Play the Game?

Monster Members Share Their Stories and Advice About Office Politics

by Christine F. Della Monaca
Monster Staff Writer

When we asked Monster members, "How well do you play the game at work?" the question provoked a range of responses. Many felt their inability to deal with office politics had hurt their careers. Others were baffled by people who got ahead based on looks, knowing the right person or doing the right amount of kissing up -- despite being unqualified for their jobs. And still others had enough confidence in their own political skills to give advice to others.

Check out these stories, rants and advice to strengthen your own game.

The Game's Not for Them

I think you're enforcing "the game" by even mentioning it. There shouldn't be "games" in the workplace. People go to work to produce goods and services.

---

I will not participate in office politics. I do believe that it is a lot of backstabbing. I feel if you are a snitch, upper management will feel that you will tell something on them as well.

---

I guess people like me have to learn to be social, not sensitive. It's easier for me to have a good relationship with people like clients, but I feel the relationship within the office is much more difficult to deal with. I'm a hardworking person. Maybe being a contractor or freelancer is more suitable for those not social like me.

---

I work in child care, where I am the only guy amongst 11 to 12 women. Believe me: I couldn't suck worse in this type of office politics. The gossip alone makes me not want to socialize at all, workwise or casually. I must say that I can talk to a few of my coworkers, but even then I have to pick and choose what I say. The fact that I am the only guy at my center means my coworkers are apprehensive in talking to me about anything. They don't talk to me like they do to each other for fear I may say something they may take offense over, and since my personality is pretty laid-back, I may make certain remarks that can be construed the wrong way.

Paying the Price for Not Playing

Not playing the game got me fired. I was an employee who minded her own business. I saw what no one did and heard what no one spoke. After 19 years of service, they decided to fire me using the excuse that I wasn't up to par with the rest of the people. That's what I got.

---

After two months of employment, I was approached by the owner, who told me I would be a perfect fit for an open supervisor position. I accepted the challenge and kept a clean record, worked extremely long hours and had no problems, complaints or written warnings of any kind until this year. In another meeting with the company owner, I was instructed to change the way I interacted with my sales rep. I assured him I was doing my best to work with this person, who is difficult, and I would resolve any differences.

Two weeks passed, and my relationship with my sales rep improved dramatically. Last week, I was called into a conference room and discharged from my job. I was not given a chance to say anything -- just let go without being able to defend myself and without any support. I truly loved what I did and believed I would be employed with this company until the day I retired. I did not kiss the butt of the sales rep. I did not support nor would I kiss the butt of my newly appointed manager. I believe that is the reason I was let go. It is very sad to think I gave 110 percent of myself to this job, but because I didn't play by their rules, they found a petty reason to get rid of me.

What Do They Have That I Don't?

I worked for a mortgage company for two years, never missing a day of work and always making my customers happy. Then interest rates went down, and there were layoffs. I was chosen to be let go. Those remaining were Angela, who was 21, wore a size four and had long, flowing blonde hair, and Lois, who was hired because she was a friend of the supervisor at the secondary pricing department. I knew I was let go because I was not friends with the boss or sexy and young. I am 43, wear a size eight and have wrinkles, but I am healthy and intelligent otherwise -- just not sexy and gorgeous. I felt that the men in the office treated Angela and Lois better than me, because I was not young or sexy or a friend of the boss. They often missed work, and I never did. The men appreciated Mary, who always made food at work using her own money and resources. I didn't have a lot of money for things like that. I want to be appreciated for my brains, not my looks or cooking skills, unless of course I work as a cook in a restaurant. I decided to try something other than office work, because I want people at work to like me because I work hard and am good at my job, not because I brownnose or am sexy or young.

---

After eight years of employment for one of the largest corporate dental manufacturing companies in North America, I was fired! My boss told me I was fired because another employee overheard me saying something sexual about another employee being promoted through the company. Well, I never said it. I was never questioned about the incident -- just escorted out the door. I did not play the political game. The girl who supposedly overheard me and reported me is the same girl I reported to human resources one month prior to my being fired. She was constantly late, took extended lunches, allowed to attend fancy sales banquets, etc. We were both hourly employees, and if I could not do that after eight dedicated years of employment, I was not about to let someone else get away with it after only six months. She set me up after I reported her, and they fired me.

She got away with everything because of her looks, and she was 15 years younger. Everyone would stare at her and let her get away with murder. I found out a month after I was gone that she was pregnant and living with the corporate comptroller -- another reason to get rid of me, because it was against company policy to date and live together, but apparently not for them. Several years ago, I met my husband at the same company. We bought a house together and I got pregnant, and when they found out, they fired my husband immediately. The story sounds similar, but it seems like certain rules are for certain people. It certainly was the worst place I ever worked.

Office Politics Tips from the Masters

I do very well playing the game. The secret to staying ahead of the games as a telecommuter is simple:

• Do not respond to any gossip emails from subordinates or peers. Pick up the phone so there is no paper trail.

• Respond to your bosses' emails by being noncommittal, or ask for clarification -- copy their boss in the reply.

• Do not send any emails you would not be happy for the whole world to read several times.

---

I am managing a lot better than I used to. I have learned disciplines that give me the ability to work in the corporate office environment. Principles that help me stay afloat are:

• Remember who I am and don't look for others to validate me.

• Taking care of myself -- getting enough rest, etc. -- gives me a jump start before coming into the office.

• Hold on to my inner joy/peace -- give it up for no one!

• Respect everyone -- no matter if you like them or not.

• Do not participate in gossip and take sides in cliques (remain neutral).

• Remember: I am a professional, hired to do a job and remain professional and courteous, regardless of how others behave.

Seven Ways to Handle Your Dysfunctional Office by Margot Carmichael Lester

Monster Contributing Writer

Workplace dysfunction may be funny when you’re watching “The Office,” but it’s serious business when you’re trying to cope with it every day.

The good news is that it doesn’t have to bring you down. Nobody says dealing with dysfunction is easy, but if you follow this advice, chances are you can at least stay above the fray:

• Step Away from the Action: Start looking at your office as though it were any dysfunctional organization from movies or TV. “Sit back as an observer and watch,” suggests Donna Flagg, principal of learning and productivity specialist The Krysalis Group. “Do not participate...because the thing that makes dysfunctional behavior thrive is the participation of dysfunctional people. If you separate yourself, you remain on the ‘functional’ side of the line.”
  
  
• Remain in Control: One way to stay functional is to avoid returning fire -- no matter how under siege you feel. This allows you to control the people trying to control you, says Joel Epstein, author of The Little Book on Big Ego and CEO of Friction Factor. “Most ‘ego monsters’ want you to fight with them,” adds Epstein. “It makes them happy.”
  
  The solution? Throw the game and lose on purpose. “Let the ego monster think they’ve won,” he advises.
  
  
• Stay Focused: Concentrating on your job performance while others are engaged in less-productive activities can be an effective way of coping and advancing, says Heather Millen, a Boston-based marketing administrator. “Act how you think a professional should act, no matter how enticing it is to come to their level,” she says. “I once had a boss who thought things could only be done his way. But by sticking by what I thought was right rather than giving into his every whim, the working relationship grew stronger, and we each had greater respect for the other.”
  
  
• Tune Out: If you’re in a position to close yourself off from the insanity and negativity, do it, advises Erik Myers, a database administrator. “I wear headphones all day every day so that I don't have to listen to the insipid ramblings of my coworkers and how much they ‘love their fat-free salad dressing’ and ‘have you heard about this new diet where if you eat really spicy foods you can eat all you want, because it goes through your system faster and the heat actually burns calories anyway?’” he says.
  
  
• Enlist Allies: Sometimes it helps to find what career coach Marty Nemko calls “an island of sanity amid the maelstrom.”
  
  “Find one or two people in the workplace whom you like and can commiserate with, or even laugh at the others' antics,” Nemko says. “Decide among you whether you want it to simply be a steam-letting-off group or want to look for smart ways to improve things, if only in pockets. And keep your group under the radar -- no need for everyone to see you as a clearly identified cabal.”
  
  
• Look for Patterns: Studying -- but not obsessing over -- colleagues’ dysfunctional tendencies can give you an edge, Flagg says. Common patterns are discrepancies between what people say and do and inconsistencies in behavior.
  
  Sure, this familiarity may breed contempt, but it also yields a competitive advantage for you as well as a coping mechanism. “You can not only anticipate problems headed your way, but you can also use the insight to navigate the terrain in a positive and effective way,” Flagg explains.
  
  
• Leave: In the end, the best outcome may be to move on. “It's really the only thing that actually works,” notes workplace expert Billie Blair, author of All the Moving Parts and president/CEO of Leading and Learning. “Our research of these situations has shown that it's always the good and talented people that the organization loses when there is dysfunction, because they can go other places. Those who can't simply stay and manage to endure.”

Build a Great Working Relationship with Your Boss by Peter Vogt

MonsterTRAK Career Coach

One of the worst things you can do at your new job is to make your supervisor look bad for hiring you. After all, your boss is key to your current on-the-job satisfaction and to your future success in the organization -- and perhaps even beyond.

If there ever were a relationship for you to invest in, this is it. So here are five ways to get off to a great start with your new supervisor. Your efforts now will lay the groundwork for a productive working relationship over the long haul.

Watch and Learn

"The number one thing is to observe the company culture and your supervisor closely during your first few weeks," says Terese Corey Blanck, principal of College to Career, a career-consulting firm in suburban Minneapolis. "Keep your opinions to yourself until you understand the company culture well and know what people will look upon with favor and what they'll look upon with disdain."

Even something as simple as asking intelligent questions will make a difference in how your boss perceives you as an employee. "It's always better to clarify than to charge off and go completely in the wrong direction," Corey Blanck says.

Keep in Touch

Some bosses are very hands-on, keeping close tabs on you throughout your workday. Others may talk to you once a week or less often and send you on your way to do your job.

Whatever your supervisor's style, typically it's up to you to establish and maintain the lines of communication between the two of you. Using either email or the occasional stop-by-the-office visit, make sure you keep your boss informed with the answers to these questions:

• What are you working on?
  
  
• What have you finished, and what are the results?
  
  
• What can you help your supervisor with?

Look and Act Professional

Allison Hemming, author of Work It! How to Get Ahead, Save Your Ass, and Land a Job in Any Economy and founder of The Hired Guns, a Manhattan-based interim workforce agency, talks about a candidate she recently placed with a major investment bank -- quite easily, thanks to the candidate's background and skills.

"Two weeks into the job, we got a call from her manager, saying that she was doing a terrific job, but that she sometimes dressed inappropriately, in short, short skirts and open-toed shoes," says Hemming. "The manager asked me to have a chat with the person, because they really liked her and didn't want her attire to impact her ability to get promoted in the future."

The new hire was a bit shocked to discover her fashion faux pas were damaging her relationships with her supervisor and colleagues, but she quickly made the necessary changes to her wardrobe, Hemming says.

Demonstrate Initiative

Any new employee can sit around waiting to be told what to do. Why not be proactive enough to figure it out yourself so your supervisor doesn't constantly have to hold your hand?

"Take initiative to get something done when you see it needs getting done," says Corey Blanck. "It can be something as simple as taking a stack of files and going through them before you're asked -- anything to show that you're not beneath the small tasks that take up everyone's time."

"Come in early and stay late," says Stephen Viscusi, author of On the Job: How to Make It in the Real World of Work and a frequent workplace contributor on ABC's "Good Morning America." "You should be busy whenever you're starting a new job, learning the ropes, but even when you're not, perfect the art of looking busy."

Do Great Work

This might seem like painfully obvious advice for developing a solid relationship with your new boss, but it bears repeating. "Make your boss look good by, guess what -- just plain working hard," says Viscusi. "It's old-fashioned, but it really works."

Build a Great Working Relationship with Your Boss by Peter Vogt

MonsterTRAK Career Coach

One of the worst things you can do at your new job is to make your supervisor look bad for hiring you. After all, your boss is key to your current on-the-job satisfaction and to your future success in the organization -- and perhaps even beyond.

If there ever were a relationship for you to invest in, this is it. So here are five ways to get off to a great start with your new supervisor. Your efforts now will lay the groundwork for a productive working relationship over the long haul.

Watch and Learn

"The number one thing is to observe the company culture and your supervisor closely during your first few weeks," says Terese Corey Blanck, principal of College to Career, a career-consulting firm in suburban Minneapolis. "Keep your opinions to yourself until you understand the company culture well and know what people will look upon with favor and what they'll look upon with disdain."

Even something as simple as asking intelligent questions will make a difference in how your boss perceives you as an employee. "It's always better to clarify than to charge off and go completely in the wrong direction," Corey Blanck says.

Keep in Touch

Some bosses are very hands-on, keeping close tabs on you throughout your workday. Others may talk to you once a week or less often and send you on your way to do your job.

Whatever your supervisor's style, typically it's up to you to establish and maintain the lines of communication between the two of you. Using either email or the occasional stop-by-the-office visit, make sure you keep your boss informed with the answers to these questions:

• What are you working on?
  
  
• What have you finished, and what are the results?
  
  
• What can you help your supervisor with?

Look and Act Professional

Allison Hemming, author of Work It! How to Get Ahead, Save Your Ass, and Land a Job in Any Economy and founder of The Hired Guns, a Manhattan-based interim workforce agency, talks about a candidate she recently placed with a major investment bank -- quite easily, thanks to the candidate's background and skills.

"Two weeks into the job, we got a call from her manager, saying that she was doing a terrific job, but that she sometimes dressed inappropriately, in short, short skirts and open-toed shoes," says Hemming. "The manager asked me to have a chat with the person, because they really liked her and didn't want her attire to impact her ability to get promoted in the future."

The new hire was a bit shocked to discover her fashion faux pas were damaging her relationships with her supervisor and colleagues, but she quickly made the necessary changes to her wardrobe, Hemming says.

Demonstrate Initiative

Any new employee can sit around waiting to be told what to do. Why not be proactive enough to figure it out yourself so your supervisor doesn't constantly have to hold your hand?

"Take initiative to get something done when you see it needs getting done," says Corey Blanck. "It can be something as simple as taking a stack of files and going through them before you're asked -- anything to show that you're not beneath the small tasks that take up everyone's time."

"Come in early and stay late," says Stephen Viscusi, author of On the Job: How to Make It in the Real World of Work and a frequent workplace contributor on ABC's "Good Morning America." "You should be busy whenever you're starting a new job, learning the ropes, but even when you're not, perfect the art of looking busy."

Do Great Work

This might seem like painfully obvious advice for developing a solid relationship with your new boss, but it bears repeating. "Make your boss look good by, guess what -- just plain working hard," says Viscusi. "It's old-fashioned, but it really works."

Handle a Sabotaging Coworker by Beverly West

Monster Contributing Writer



We all like to think of our coworkers as friends, but what happens when you become the target of a coworker's dirty politics? Here are some strategies that can help you keep the peace without losing your edge, shared by fellow soldiers on the office wars' front lines.

Take Precautions

It is wise to have some good measures in place to protect yourself if you ever fall under a colleague's attack.

"Always have backup for everything you've done in case a coworker tries to place blame on you," says Aubyn Peterson, an administrative assistant for the Miss USA Pageant. For instance, save all emails with pertinent ideas you contributed and work you've done. "This way, you can be prepared to answer any difficult questions from your boss confidently, and it won't just be your word against somebody else's," she says. "You'll have written proof."

It's also important to remember the old adage about squeaky wheels getting the grease. "If you feel that a coworker is trying to oust you out of a well-deserved promotion, then do your job exceedingly well and make some noise," says Peterson. "Make sure your boss notices your excellent performance, and make doubly sure that your boss knows that you want to be promoted."

Rise Above the Drama of Coworker Sabotage

If you can, don't let your coworker's anger or frustration get to you. You don't have to play a major role in somebody else's drama, and your coworker's hostility doesn't have to undermine your positive self-image or job performance.

"My first instincts are to resort to a voodoo doll, a stapler or a tube of Super Glue, but I fight those urges and try to remain calm and peaceful," says Richard Ogawa, a sales and special events assistant for Broadway On and Off, a group ticket sales organization.

"I just avoid the situation," Ogawa says. "I don't give the person the time of day. I don't get upset. I'm not mean, and I try to feel sorry for him for being in a state of mind that triggers him to create drama to make himself feel better."

Laugh, If Possible

Try to find the humor, if any, in the situation. Ogawa has a few tricks he plays on himself to generate a little comic relief and defuse the tension. For instance, "whenever you want to yell ‘idiot,' yell ‘you superstar' inside," Ogawa suggests.

Try to Communicate

There are times, though, when avoidance and humor won't work, and you have no choice but to address the situation. "If it comes down to having to confront the coworker, try and approach the situation with logic, not emotion," says Peterson, who stresses that it is important for you to honestly make an effort to communicate with your coworker and try to see where he is coming from.

A Blog Posted by Singapore 's Youngest Millionaire by Adam Khoo

Some of you may already know that I travel around the region pretty frequently, having to visit and conduct seminars at my offices in Malaysia , Indonesia , Thailand and Suzhou ( China ). I am in the airport almost every other week so I get to bump into many people who have attended my seminars or have read my books.

Recently, someone came up to me on a plane to KL and looked rather shocked. He asked, 'How come a millionaire like you is travelling economy?' My reply was, 'That's why I am a millionaire.' He still looked pretty confused. This again confirms that greatest lie ever told about wealth (which I wrote about in my latest book 'Secrets of Self Made Millionaires'). Many people have been brainwashed to think that millionaires have to wear Gucci, Hugo Boss, Rolex, and sit on first class in air travel. This is why so many people never become rich because the moment that earn more money, they think that it is only natural that they spend more, putting them back to square one.

The truth is that most self-made millionaires are frugal and only spend on what is necessary and of value. That is why they are able to accumulate and multiply their wealth so much faster. Over the last 7 years, I have saved about 80% of my income while today I save only about 60% (because I have my wife, mother in law, 2 maids, 2 kids, etc. to support). Still, it is way above most people who save 10% of their income (if they are lucky). I refuse to buy a first class ticket or to buy a $300 shirt because I think that it is a complete waste of money. However, I happily pay $1,300 to send my 2-year old daughter to Julia Gabriel Speech and Drama without thinking twice.

When I joined the YEO (Young Entrepreneur's Organization) a few years back (YEO is an exclusive club open to those who are under 40 and make over $1m a year in their own business) I discovered that those who were self-made thought like me. Many of them with net worths well over $5m, travelled economy class and some even drove Toyota 's and Nissans (not Audis, Mercs, BMWs).

I noticed that it was only those who never had to work hard to build their own wealth (there were also a few ministers' and tycoons' sons in the club) who spent like there was no tomorrow. Somehow, when you did not have to build everything from scratch, you do not really value money. This is precisely the reason why a family's wealth (no matter how much) rarely lasts past the third generation. Thank God my rich dad (oh no! I sound like Kiyosaki) foresaw this terrible possibility and refused to give me a cent to start my business.

Then some people ask me, 'What is the point in making so much money if you don't enjoy it?' The thing is that I don't really find happiness in buying branded clothes, jewellery or sitting first class. Even if buying something makes me happy it is only for a while, it does not last. Material happiness never lasts, it just give you a quick fix. After a while you feel lousy again and have to buy the next thing which you think will make you happy. I always think that if you need material things to make you happy, then you live a pretty sad and unfulfilled life.

Instead, what makes ME happy is when I see my children laughing and playing and learning so fast. What makes me happy is when I see by companies and trainers reaching more and more people every year in so many more countries. What makes me really happy is when I read all the emails about how my books and seminars have touched and inspired someone's life. What makes me really happy is reading all your wonderful posts about how this BLOG is inspiring you. This happiness makes me feel really good for a long time, much much more than what a Rolex would do for me.

I think the point I want to put across is that happiness must come from doing your life's work (be in teaching, building homes, designing, trading, winning tournaments etc.) and the money that comes is only a by-product. If you hate what you are doing and rely on the money you earn to make you happy by buying stuff, then I think that you are living a life of meaningless

UNDERSTANDING

I understand when you stepped back
Cos I 'm too strong and too naive
I understand when you walked away
Cos I'm too good to be true for you

I won't blame you
I won't be sad more
Cos too many thing I should understand

I'm an angle bird in the flame
I was't born for you

Its time to say good bye
Its paid with my understanding
For now and for tomorrow

NN

"Re-evaluating priorities and risks. Hoping it's not too late to put things in order and motion. Setting worries and anxieties aside. Crossing fingers and praying that everything will go on well and smoothly."

Above quote may seem remote and irrelevant now, but trust me, there are times when this quote is making more sense than now. Feeling desperate, lost of hope, burdened, full of stress and many other nerve-breaking syndrom are not best choices of feeling to be experienced. Those feelings always manage to create a wormhole or black hole or just a mass of empty void inside of you or surrounding you.

Difference between men and women

A Woman marries a man expecting that he will change but he doesn't
A Man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does

Blessing Graces to The Lord, Jesus Christ

Bapa Surgawi Terima Kasih untuk semua anugerah-Mu dalam kehidupanku Terima kasih untuk kasih-Mu yang tanpa batas bagiku, keluargaku dan orang orang di sekitarku. Terima Kasih menjadikan aku sebagai alasan Engkau memberkati lingkunganku, pekerjaanku dan komunitasku. Semua kutukan nenek moyangku, kedua orangtuaku , keluargaku dan aku sendiri, aku patahkan dalam KUASAMU. Segala sakit penyakit dalam tubuhku dan keluargaku telah ENGKAU sembuhkan oleh bilur bilur-Mu. Tahirkan lidah, mulut dan bibirku sehingga hanya kata kata berkat dan Firman-Mu saja yang bisa aku katakan Tahirkan mataku sehingga hanya hal hal yang daripadaMu saja yang aku lihat, untuk pertumbuhan imanku Tahirkan telingaku sehingga hanya kebenaranMu yang aku dengar dan perdengarkan Berkatilah aku, pasangan hidupku, anak-anakku, semua keluargaku, rumahku, pekerjaanku serta teman2ku. Jadikanlah kami perpanjangan hati dan tanganMU. Terima Kasih Bapa untuk semuanya Dalam nama TUHAN YESUS aku berdoa. AMIN....